party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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