Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
is it fun? or sober?
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