If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
