I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
