I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
