What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
