How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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