I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
