i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize