If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
