She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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