I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
