I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
