Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
