So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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