I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
