I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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