btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
