Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
