I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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