planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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