You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize