i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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