Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
