What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
