So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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