the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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