Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
