And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
