Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
