you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
whose parrot is this?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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