i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
