i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
