I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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