Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
