I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
