My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
