So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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