I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
