I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
