I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Boobs are out for the taking
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
