I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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