I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
