so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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