nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize