is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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