paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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