So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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