I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
how does that bad decision feel?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
