the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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