Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
