My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
