She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
