Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
