Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize