I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
