I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
