i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
