I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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