i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
no, he came in my armpit
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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