Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
