when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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