how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
