I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
