the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
