3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
