u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
