Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Two words: blizzard sex
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
